it was one of the most vibrant years of my life so far, and I don’t expect a time soon before or after to match it, exactly. I grew out of great sadness, I traveled to my favorite east coast cities, I got into colleges, I did big things at and for my high school, I made more money than I’d ever earned before in my life and spent more as well, I encountered many new people and experiences, I learned things good and bad and indifferent about myself, I wrote wonderful things and big things and nothings, I performed a solo piano recital, I gave two speeches, I had the most beautiful graduation possible, I traveled across the country in a car, I traveled through a lot of little places in cars and sometimes even by myself, I dealt with health problems and their effects on my life, I tormented myself with anxiety, I mostly overcame, I succeeded wildly, I failed miserably, I tried new things, I sometimes felt incredibly lost in place, and I do have beautiful memories.
I’m glad, maybe even a little relieved, to let go of 2011. I lived it on such an epic scale that it seems fitting to let it slide up from its slow, halfway-passed mist fully into the halls of history. with this year nestled safe and sound in history, it can only become more beautiful. as I move fully out of this hallowed time, I’ve thought about resolutions and plans and strategies and ways to be better and to be something specific, but I’m starting to realize that the specifics are unknowable. why plan so? my only goal this time is to try to find balance. balance between what I want and what I need. balance of thoughts, feelings, actions. it’s a process. I think I have a shot at success. there’s always something new. and even if history classes aren’t my thing, having a history of this year I can revisit as fondly as I do will be good. to feel almost as wonderful, and certainly more in love with life, than I knew at the time. 2011 is a worthy history. now i get to move on.
